idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
