fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize