New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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