We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
