That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
