i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
it's like iHOP with fire
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
