the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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