you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
