actually, I'm a sock model
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
