let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
