When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
