Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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