so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
