Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize