If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
