Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
