apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
