I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
