he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
