yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
