he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
