Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
