i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
