Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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