I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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