Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
