Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize