She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
