Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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