I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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