Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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