oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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