I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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