I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize