i don't like sucking hair
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
