he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
