Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
