We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
