Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
two words: eviction party
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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