you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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