So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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