So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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