I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
