8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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