lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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