So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
