I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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