I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
