she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
