soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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