where am i from again
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize