I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
