But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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