if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
