hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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