A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
