WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
