if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Randomize
