DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
