Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
