So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
