I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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