i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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