I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
