she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
