Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
