My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
