umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
