at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
