never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you would pick up someone in the library
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
