Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
