My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
