Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
