so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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