guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
