my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
