I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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